Thursday, January 19, 2006

11 things i hate about Madras.

1. The Heat....it kills ya.period!And you sweat like no pig has ever before.

2. The auto wallahs...Those fucking bastards...if patience aint 1 of ur virtues then dont talk to them and dont faint at the rates that they charge. Dont get fooled by the smile on the their faces or the meter inside the autos as the former lasts only till you step inside and park your rear and the latter hasnt worked since Alexander went on a rampage.According to them, Petrol rates increase daily(Do they think mani shankar aiyar will be alive if that happens) and there are 1 ways galore (Obviously they have nt been to Bangalore).

3. The seat blocking mechanisms on display in buses.A handkerchief covered with phlegm or a cap as dirty as Llleyton Hewits` or a bag given free by nalli or pothy s or chennai silks or any of the zillion stores on usman road, on the seat mean that it is reserved and u better acknowledge that by not sitting there.Reminds me of the way cheetahs etc mark their territory by peeing.

4. The mouthful of obscenities that i hear after i have thrown that handkerchief outta the nearest window. But i love the fact that i dont understand the abuses that are hurled at me.

5. CAS- Conditional access system or Set Top Box.The 1 week or so that i am here i have no access to HBO,Star or any of the sports channels.Not watching my beloved Arsenal in action is a blow below the belt.

6. The fact that there is an alcohol shop almost everywhere.Every third shop seems to be a liquor selling one and have enough people standing outside to cause a traffic jam.

7. The absence of multiplexes.Boy, for a metropolitan this city has very few good quality theatres.If u want to watch a movie then u head to Satyam..plain and simple.Cos there are very few other multiplexes and the ones that are there exist far far away.

8. Hang out spots. The number of places where u can have fun and really chill out can be counted on thy fingers.Elliots Beach, Coffee day and a few other places are where you ll find all the crowds on a weekend.There is no versaility like say a delhi or a bangalore.

9. Food. This city loses out again on this count.You are not exactly spoilt for choice. No Mcds, no wimpy means that most Chennai people have no idea how a good burger tastes. Marrybrown sucks and so does that place on greames road. And someone please tell me what happened to that super place near the adyar flyover where one used to get those super duper burgers for 15 bucks.

10. Dress sense. I am not talking abt everyone wearing stuff designed by some fancy designer or show off the nike or adidas logos but at least where something that looks good on you for crying out loud.

11. Last but not the least, i hate the looks that i get when i walk on the street or in the bus or trains...why? because i sport a lets say..non-conventional beard (inspired by Robert Pires) and i get looked at as if i am from a yet to be discovered planet.

Beam me up scotty....i dont belong here.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Hey! Language! Madras isn't half as bad.

The autowallahs expose you to the wonderful world of bargaining! And what's more fun that haggling over five (or fifty) rupees? And getting your price too!

Multiplexes are overrated, and are an obscene waste of money. Name any other metro where you can see a movie for fifty bucks in an air conditioned theatre with cushioned seats! Sure, the coushioning is rather sparse, and the popcorn sucks, but all theatre-popcorn does!

You have obviously not been to the right hangouts in Madras. Elliots beach? Coffee day? You need an education!

Don't diss Madras food. It's the only reason I haven't moved to the other side of the world.

And, apart from Kolkotta (where they're big intellectual snobs), where else do you see so many well-informed, intelligent people who can actually challenge your brain?

Itinerant said...

Please..i have had enough of the autowallahs there.It gets to u after a point.i have had major fights with these ppl.Thats why i prefer the buses more.

I agree abt the overpricing of tickets in cinema halls in other cities.But the pt is i wont have to travel all the way from Saligrammam to Sathyam or Mayajaal.And there are many halls in other cities where u find tickets at nominal rates(and not the front row ones).Its a misconception that its expensive to watch a movie for cheap in other cities.Delhi for eg.U have your Priya s and Pvr s and all but there are many other halls which are equally good and dont hit u hard economically.

Blame my friends for not taking me anywhere but to these places. Everytime i am there i am taken there. I come there for a short period of time anyways so no time to explore.

I still maintain what i said abt madras food.U need to stay in Delhi and Mumbai to realize the kind of variety we guys get.
Where will i find a decent burger in madras? Or bhel puri?

Cant argue with that last point either.Considering the kinda bozos that i have to encounter here, madras is heaven.

BTW, i was planning to write on the good things in madras.And trust me i have plenty of good stuff to say....

Unknown said...

still waiting for that post about the good side of madras.... loser.

Anonymous said...

hey dude,

I generally avoid replying to posts but you have tested my patience by taking bad about madras. I got to reply to make things straight.

I am not sure with which city in India are you comparing. Anyways here you go....

1) Hang out places - I do not know what different hang out places you have in bangalore/delhi that you cannot find in Madras. Madras has its share of coffee pubs, bars, discotheques, multiplex, shopping malls, beaches (which you cannot see in delhi/bangalore) etc.

2) Auto drivers - Auto drivers in bangalore are no different as it is the same madrasis! :)

3) The Heat - Atleast in the evenings you get sea breeze settling down, which you dont get in delhi during peak summer. Delhi has the worst climate of extreme summer and extreme winter.

4) Seat blocking mechanism - I do not know in which bus were you travelling to find a place to sit. If you were travelling within the city you wud not have found a place to sit inside the bus.

5) Mouth of obscenities - it is your ignorance of tamil language. If you go to bangalore you going to hear gaali in kannada.

6) CAS - It is mandatory now in other metros. Your friend resorted to cheap way of life - so i cannot help it. If he has the money to pay, you could have watched hbo.

7) Alcohol shop - Whatz your problem? even bangalore has alcohol shops in every nook and corner. The worst is those shops are converted into stand-in pubs over there, which is atleast missing in madras.

8)Absence of multiplex/good cinema halls - it is your ignorance. In a big city, you got to travel few extra mile to get what you want.

9) Food - If you want to eat only MCdy burgers then you are in wrong place - for that matter even bangalore or delhi have few as compared to chicago or new york! If you want to eat good bhelpuri you can go to t.nagar, and every corner shop can give you the best -for example Mansukh's.

10) Dress sense - Again i reckon your friend lives in a place surronded by slum people. I cannot help it. Itz the same in bombay slum or delhi slum. If you were to live in besant nagar, nungambakkam, anna nagar, mylapore etc. may be you should have to spend more money to dress up your wardrobe to match their lifestyle.

Hope you would keep your mouth shut about madras in future.

Cheers,

Itinerant said...

Firstly let me make it very clear that I like Madras...a lot.I have been brought up in Delhi but am a Madrasi(as the northies like to call it) every which way. So dont try to give me lessons on Madras. The city has its drawbacks...live with it.I think you have not stepped outside the city in your lifetime and hence this outburst.

1. Hangout places : Its not the discos, coffe pubs, bars, clubs i am worried about. Its the numbers. Yes, Madras is at an advantage bcos it has beaches.But In Delhi I am spoilt for choice and thats a luxury Madras doesnt have.

2. Auto drivers: This is exactly Why u shud step out of Chennai. Have u ever been in a Delhi CNG auto? No..so stop whining. The chennai autowallahs are cheats...if any1 says otherwise then I am Elvis.

3. The sea breeze comes in at about 6PM. By then u r so sapped that the breeze hardly matters. Yes the Delhi weather is extreme but the humidity is not high. The sweating adds to the frustration and irritation.

4. seat clocking mechanism - Are u really from madras?I wont find a seat in city buses?Thats a load of bull s poo. What if I get in at a terminus like Vadapalani or KK Ngr or T Ngr or Manadaveli?

5. i am ignorant of Tamil language? Listen I speak very good tamil.Maybe we can meet sometime and You ll realize this. I meant it as a reaction to my throwing the hanky out.Read the post carefully.

6. The point on CAS if that it was brought into existence 2 years back in Madras. Other metros are going to implement it in Dec, 2006. Have u studied Math at school or college level?

7. Why the hell are u comparing everything in Madras with Bangalore.Obviously its the only place u have been outside Madras. I hate the fact that there are long queues outside these shops for the "sarakku". I hate the smell and i hate the confusion and melee and fihgts outside these shops. Delhi/Bombay/Kolkata/Lucknow/Bhopal etc have nothing like tis.

8. You are not trying to understand my point.i am nt talking abt the lack of it.I am talking abt the distance i have to travel. In Delhi you can find one for every 5 kms.Savvy?'

9. If u want to compare Indian cities with NY then all the best. Its nt a question of the burgers...A lot of food varieties are lacking. It might have improved now but when i stayed there i starved practically.

10. If u stay in Delhi for a caouple of hrs u will understand what i am traying to say. Its not a question of a lack of wardrobe or a poor lifestyle.I have been staying in places Nungambakkam and Adayar since I was in diapers.
What i amgetting at is that people dont know what clothes suit them. If some1 wears jeans and a top and puts mallipu on her hair then I dont know abt u but i find it rather strange. A persom can buy all the clothes he can but youu shud wear what suits u and what u look and feel comfortable in.

And for ur information, I will talk all about Madras that i want to. Go fly a kite if u dont like it. As i said earlier Madras Is not perfect. It is a fact. We all have our fav cities for diff reasons and i will write whatever i want to.

Thanks for visiting and i await ur reply!