Dhakkan Airways

FLIGHT CANCELLED flashed all over Netaji Subhash Chandra International Airport against an Air Dhakkan (Deccan) flight to Agartala.

"Yaar ye deccan nahi hai, saala Dhakkan airways hai"..exclaimed a Sardarji who was to board that plane.

My colleague who often takes the connecting flight from Cal to Patna says that it is the shortest 1 hour flight he ever undertakes. Why? Because most of the time passes in squatting away flies that appear as soon as the flight takes off.

Another friend of mine was pissed that he was served chips that were well past their expiry date.

Here is an excerpt from an in cabin announcement:

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL welcoming

both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad

weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we

will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may

even be landing on your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards

are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with

pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our

Passengers have reached their destination.

 If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can

arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and

memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our

not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you

find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown

as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie

buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their

movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the

Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow

down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as

possible.  For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do

let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the

landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and

fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,

kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of

you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a

stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.

ENJOY FLYING AIR DECCAN!